Believe it or not (I really don’t give a shit), but I really don’t want the book to seem like an outpouring of misery or some kind of revenge. Obviously, though, I’ll have to intersperse the chapters with the continuation of my personal story, because as everything evolves, so does my personal life as I write. There are a few aspects I find important to our main theme, after all.
So – my dear half has used my generosity (a euphemism for stupidity) to the max. She was with him on weekends and with me during the week until her employment contract expired. She gradually took things out of the house (in her new car – by the way, I bought the old one for her and when she got the new one, I had to go with her, as the owner paying the fees, to sell the original one and left her the money = yeah, I’m an asshole and kindly shut up already!) Because I realised how we all use words differently. For example, I understood the phrase „I’ll leave everything to you“ (she has a fully equipped new home and obviously better, i.e. expensive and better quality) as it is said. In reality it meant – I will leave everything YOURS to you and take everything mine and ours away. No, I’m not lying (although if it wasn’t for the fact that I saw it with my own eyes I wouldn’t believe it myself), she took half the matches, half the toothpicks and maybe even a better corkscrew, she says she likes it!!! When I asked if the Mister doesn’t even have a can opener in his equipped household, I learned that he does, but this one is better, etc.
Well, then (or so I thought) nothing – departure and no return. The employment contract was over, the new job wasn’t quite so clear, but more importantly it was time to leave for a holiday in the Canary Islands, where the gentleman said he really liked it and wanted to show it to her – why he hadn’t shown it to her already at home and for free I preferred not to ask, I didn’t want to be unnecessarily poisonous 😀
Well for me it was an amazing time of remorse and self-recrimination and self-pity – awesome! I highly recommend it to everyone – there’s nothing like starting a reboot from complete shit and rock bottom! This part would be really off topic, so just briefly = no matter what I’m doing and who others think I am. I see myself as a therapist and at least I can work with my head – so I admit that the first 14 days were really horrible, but I definitely straightened up enough within two months that I can (really) totally fuck everything up! So, with a few exceptions, and admittedly = I knew I was an asshole, a fuckwit, and a heavy henpeck, but what I started to realize in hindsight and what a crock of shit = it’s really sad. But as I said, it’s not my goal here to whine, but instead to extract lessons from my stupidity for future generations and maybe even a little amusement from someone else’s misfortune for others 😉.
For example, a phrase that has appeared several times in my life and even in different contexts is „I don’t want to lose you“. You see, for a long time I didn’t really understand it at all and had to think a lot to (hopefully) fully unravel its manipulative potential. In practice, this phrase actually means = I don’t want to lose what you do. Keep being nice, take care of everything, pay up – I’ll just do what I want, I’ll fuck around and shit on you, but as long as I don’t lose you!
Don’t get mad at me, but actually, feel free to get mad – I don’t care, but it seems like the same logic when you get another job, go there, make big bucks, but say you don’t want to lose the original job! Or if you were a Spartan fan but you go to Slavia because maybe they have a better stadium. Try telling those greasers that you don’t want to lose Sparta = they’ll kick your face in!!!
You can judge me as a pretentious shit, but I dare say that our subsequent communication was 95% thanks to me, and it remained cultivated, polite and factual… I spent at least a month trying to restore at least a basic level of trust. After about that month, when I felt that we had some understanding and agreement on at least the basics, I suggested that we write down the basic points of agreement. Not to sign anything, but to remember it – we both wrote it down on our own paper. I’ll keep it short, it’s just that during one of the more sharply-worded exchanges I was told, and I quote, „I didn’t sign anything for you“ – and so further debate and negotiation lost all meaning, didn’t it!
And a few more pearls just for the purpose of amusement, which I realised in retrospect = so for example I was (I stress really ME) at my cottage in Bechyne and she, rather incomprehensibly, came to see me halfway through my stay – the funny thing is that she came to see me directly from her lover! To this day I don’t really know exactly why – control? Trying to catch me and blame me? Cleaning up for their possibly planned stay there?
Or what I really consider to be the highlight. At a time when I felt something was no longer right, a mysterious food began to appear in the house that I hadn’t known until then. For example, I ate boar that she supposedly got from someone at work 😀 Well she just got the meat and made it for me for lunch, yes – I ate boar from my own wife’s lover!!! So, well – I guess he’s a hunter and I’m a moron!!!
Anyway, it really quietened down after that – no visitors, no phone calls, no texts…and I kind of got used to it incredibly quickly. I’m an absolute winner in all aspects, I just don’t feel like it yet… The last „official“ message was = by the end of the year I’d like to get divorced – but I forgot to ask by the end of which year?!